Her name was Cecilia. She had a constant smirk on her face and Vivian loved that about her. She loved that Cecilia didn’t care about what other people thought about her. Cecilia was from South Africa and she had the most gorgeous olive skin with deep brown eyes.
“Your eyes are the definition of brown,” Vivian once told Cecilia, “it’s as if there is no other color in your eyes except for pure brown. Not like the mix of colors people have in their eyes here in the U.S.” Vivian kissed her softly and felt the rush of excitement all over her body once again.
It felt good to have this secret to herself. It felt good for Vivian to know that she held this over the partners, even if they didn’t know she did. But Cecilia wanted their love to go public. Cecilia wanted Vivian to be open to the partners about their situation. She resented feeling like she was a monster that needed to be hidden, she resented being a taboo.
Vivian didn’t consider herself a lesbian. She had never been with another woman before and that was part of the reason why she struggled with this relationship so much. She was attracted to men and she was also attracted to Cecilia, but she was attracted to Cecilia as a person, not as a woman. Vivian believed she would like Cecilia whether she was a man or a woman – or she hoped she would anyway. She wouldn’t know how to handle it if she was attracted to women. Would it change who she was as a person? Would it change her accomplishments? Would men find her more accepting as a successful woman only because she was a lesbian? Vivian couldn’t stand having a stigma attached to her like that. It wouldn’t be fair to diminish her successful career based on who she was attracted to, one thing had nothing to do with the other.
But on the other hand, Vivian couldn’t risk losing the love of the woman who brought her back to life. She would give all of the money and success in the world for just one more week of happiness with Cecilia.
Vivian gave in. Tomorrow she would tell the partners about Cecilia.
